Purple Prose Opening Sentence

Elizabeth Montgomery Rose Katelyn Smith stood upon the beautifully brown bowsprit of the xebec, hanging onto the closest rope for dear life to prevent herself from falling despairingly into the waves which crashed ruthlessly on the sides of the xebec like medieval army men ramming a castle with a tree trunk ruthlessly in order to knock it down, rather, though, that the waves were like those people running back and forth and body-slamming against the castle gates because that's more akin to the fluid, blue, liquid tumult of the sea, a very unconventional building practice since xebecs uphold no bowsprits of a normal tendency, only that Captain Von Barffle-Belch of the pirate company was happy to touch up fake ship parts to baffle the military cruisers, who thought that was very strange indeed, all things considered.